I was born into a large family of 19 children…I am child number 18. Ten of the 19 lived, six boys and four girls. They were characterized by an older group of brothers and sisters that I never remember living with, a middle group of siblings, and then my younger sister and I. My father was diagnosed with tuberculosis that caused him to be hospitalized until after I completed High School which left my biological mother alone to raise six children on her own. The middle group of brothers—known by everyone as the Williams boys (“Williams” was our last name) seemed to always be in and out of juvenile hall or jail for one thing or another.
When I was six years old, a policeman came to our home and informed my mother that they were removing my younger sister and I from her care. This decision was made because they did not want us to become influenced by this middle group of siblings. We were made “wards of court;” and the legal system, with its rules and guidelines, became our parents. It was inclusive of being given a foster mother, who became my legal guardian, and an edict that said I could not travel more than twenty miles from her home without a court proceeding. Later in life I saw this as the Lord going before my sister and I to get us settled into a home prior to my mother’s death five years later.
From the day I entered my foster mother’s home, I became the target of her anger, frustration and abuse. Oft times when I needed to be disciplined, the beatings would progress until my skin broke and blood began to flow. Screaming became a pattern of her communication to me as I would be reminded that “you’re just like those Williamses!” To me that meant I was no good since she felt my family was not good people. I remember one Sunday when I was seven-years-old, there were many people from church at our home. I had done something that my foster mother felt needed disciplining; and so she placed me in the middle of the room and called out to all the people that were there saying, “Hey everybody, I want you to come over here and see what this crazy kid has done.” I will never forget all those adult faces staring at me and laughing. I crumbled inside as I hid my face in my hands thinking I must be the most grotesque looking person in the world. This practice of hands to face soon became my fail safe, as I was ever ready to cover myself, should anyone start to laugh at me again.
At age seven the wonderful thing that happened was my receiving Jesus Christ in Sunday School as my personal Savior. I believe this saved me mentally, physically and emotionally. You see my foster mother would always tell me that by the time I was fifteen-years-of-age, I too would be in jail. This was another Williams’ trait. To be mocked and jeered by the person who is suppose to be your guardian and protector is not an easy thing. But beyond the harsh, destructive and challenging environment which I experienced with my foster mother—I had a “happy life!” Because there was a wonderful, happy, loving, giving, joyful, protective, caring, encouraging, understanding vast community, made up of Christians and non-Christians alike, that Jesus had set in place for me once I was separated from my biological mother. This community was always there for me…with many still in place today. They were great shapers, attendees, and nourishers; causing me to have a full, resourceful, and purposeful life.
This isn’t to say I didn’t have my growing pains. I used to be very shy, unable to look at anyone. I was eleven-years-old when I began playing the piano at church. And because I was so shy, I would play the piano with my face hidden within my elbow – of course this took great talent!
“You’re NEVER going to be anything!” she would scream. Even when I left Fresno to attend Bible College in Los Angeles, amid a group of people she pointed at me and said to them: “You see that girl there? Mark my words. She’s never going to become anything!”
Proverbs 18:16 became my life verse when I was just thirteen-years-old. My Sunday School teacher had taught us the importance of reading the Bible at a very young age, and when I read Proverbs 18:16 I became embarrassed and blushed because it spoke of a future and a hope for me. It says – “A man’s gift makes room for him and brings him before great men.” As a teenager I could not figure out how God was going to do this especially when I couldn’t travel more than twenty miles from my home. Were there “great men” living within twenty miles of me? My little agricultural town of Fresno, California wasn’t known for that. But the Bible says, “…with God ALL THINGS are possible.”
At sixteen, I began trying to cure myself from being so shy and fearful which I never fully accomplished simply because I couldn’t do it on my own. One day years later, while returning home to California after traveling eleven months in various parts of America and Canada doing Public Relations work for LIFE Bible College, God sovereignly set me free from the “torment of fear, shyness and timidity.” Just like that I began wanting to do what I had never wanted to do before – talk! Yet, I had to learn how to live in that liberty wherewith Christ sets us free.
Since that day Jesus has taken me to every continent in our world to minister His Word, life and sing, bringing people to Himself. He has allowed me to serve at many high levels of leadership, and He has blessed me to use the gifts and abilities He gave me to enrich the lives of many people…many great men and women.